Sunday, October 23, 2011


Something that really does NOT impress me is over-complicated culinary WANK. That fussy food that is so (f)artfully arranged on the inner 5cm diameter of a dinner plate the size of Bert Newtons head.

for those of you who aren't au fait with Australian Z-Grade celebrities...
(note, head is so large it doesn't even fit in the frame.)

And foam. Foam is my other pet hate. Herein known as spittle. I've also heard it referred to as 'air'. Such a stroke of genius to decide, "We need to raise more revnue in this establishment... Hey! Let's get the kitchen hand to hock a loogie onto the side of the plate!" Voila! An excuse to lob an extra $20 onto every item on the menu. The saddest part about all of this is that there are actually even sadder people who will cough up the bucks (pardon the pun!) for the opportunity to be a part of this absurd gourmet charade. It's almost as bad as British cook Heston Blumenthal, and his ongoing 'quest' for perfect food. Interesting to watch, but (at the risk of sounding over-sentimental) I think that the point of food is that it is the basic, simple, fresh ingredients that maketh a meal... not wether its molecular structure has been amended to a point that it should, by laboratory standards, taste 'perfect'.

It does give me this awesome idea for a restaurant though. Or... sorry... a gastronomic venture. Basically, instead of serving food, people are served 'tastes'. They sit at the table, and are presented with a menu. From this they select a range of dishes that they feel they would like to sample. They are then given some sort of hose like contraption with a nozzle on the end which they place in their mouth. Like a hookah pipe, the 'diner' sucks in a puff of flavoured air which in essence is their 'meal'. Sort of like a culinary fart.

I think it would be a go-er.

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